Faith and Obedience

Obeying God can sometimes lead to some major changes. In my case: literally. When I was a little girl, I dreamed of becoming an astronaut or President of the United States. Neither of those will come true, obviously, because they were just silly little girl dreams, and unless you are Cinderella, not all dreams will come true. My career dreaming led to Interior Design when I was a little older, then that morphed into Graphic Design. My Junior year in high school I had it all set. I began seeking out colleges with decent Visual Communication programs, and began psyching myself up for a life as an artist. Sounded pretty good!

My youth pastor took a group of us to a conference in 2008 called Kaleo, which is geared to helping students answer the call God has placed on their lives. That weekend I felt a serious tug at my heart to enter the world of Psychology and work towards being a counselor or therapist for teen girls.

Well I pushed that feeling aside. I had a dream, and that was to become a graphic designer. I honestly didn't know what I wanted to do as a career, but that seemed like a pretty up and coming major to choose. I wanted to be Carissa: the artist. Trust me I had this all planned out. So for the next two years I pursued my dreams.

I am in full support of seeking to do what you dream of doing or what you love to do. But here is what it all boiled down to for me. I had a dream to become Carissa: the artist. Do you see where the problem lies? There is an awful lot of "Carissa" in the phrase "Carissa: the artist." God gave me a passion for teenaged girls who are hurting, struggling, and barely making it through life. That call and passion He placed in my life is so much bigger then the dreams of Carissa: the artist.

Now I am a Freshman/Sophomore in college. I went back to Kaleo, the conference that started it all. In these past few years I could not push Psychology out of my mind.. believe me, I tried. So Kaleo 2010 rolls around and call it guts or call it God.. I had that feeling again. Psychology. I have never taken a Psychology class in my life. But today, March 23, 2010 I have officially taken the step of blind faith to answer that call. Where it may lead? I am not fully certain.

So when the church encourages you to put your cell phone on silent, be sure you do not attempt to silence God's voice the same way. That connection must be left on "high" at all times. The call of God is more important then any dream you may have.

Listen for it.

Answer it.

Setting Sparrows Free

Beneath every masked face

There is a bundle of lies

Waiting to be discovered

Behind every shattered mirror

Hide regrets from the past

Screaming to be brought to the light

Inside every locked cage

A sparrow flaps bitterly

Hopelessly--

Longing to be set free

March 17, 2010

Undeserved Love

Humbled. Once again I am reminded of the brutal and morbid death You died. For me. For all that I have done. Every single sin I have committed or will commit in my lifetime was wrapped up in that pain.

You are.. the Spotless Lamb. The Holy Son of God. You have never cursed, lusted, lied, judged, kept a grudge, or even thought bad thoughts. And here I am. A worthless piece of junk. Or am I?

What did You see in me? When You were being torn to shreds, did You see my life? You knew I would mess up. You knew I would sin. Even after repenting and accepting Your forgiveness, I still blatantly go out and sin against You. You died for a worthless creature. I don't even love You like I should.

But You LOVE me. Even though I swung that whip. Even though I hammered that nail into Your wrist. How could You? It is like using a spotless new rag to wipe up a dirty mess. But in that process, You made me clean; You made me new.

Here I am. A sinner. A slanderer.

You are my Savior.

You are too good to me.