A Puzzle and a Picture

I pulled the box down off the shelf

I began to lift the lid

Inside were all kinds of pieces

The pieces to my life

I began to take them out

I examined each one

I started to laugh at some and cry at others

The pictures were rarely clear

Many were hazy

And most of them - blank

As I began to piece them together

I started to look at each one

Trying to find how they interlocked

I finally found a few to connect

Their edges were flush

The rest of the pieces were in a jumble

I couldn't even begin to sort them out

I didn't know where to begin

I started with the straight edges

And began to fill in the center

It took days

Weeks

Years

Finally I am finished

I have a completed puzzle

A puzzle representing my life

I just have to wait and see

What the picture will look like

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That is something I wrote in January of 2007. Three years ago. There is something powerful to be discovered by looking back over one's life and discovering the plan God had. I have always loved to write. For about 2 years I wrote stuff like that all the time, about whatever I was feeling at the time. This was something I had written during a confusing time in my life. I had been in South Carolina for a year, and I hated it. I still did not know what God had planned for my future.

I know now, looking back, that moving was the best thing God could have tossed into my life. I am learning so much RIGHT NOW, that I would not be learning if I was still in Pennsylvania. Well maybe I would, but I would not have had some of the experiences I had here. Three years ago, when I wrote this poem type thing, I could not have even began to imagine all that God would be doing in my life right now.

I can honestly say though, I can see some of that picture. I can see the reasons I went through the things I did. I have a story. Everybody does. Have you ever taken the time to reread your own life-story up until this point, up until this moment, and think about all the things God has brought you through?

All of the fires you have walked through.

All of the storms you have encountered.. finding the peace of God enveloping you in one massive wave in the midst of it.

When our lives our complete, what will we leave behind? I often think about that. When my life is done, and I pass out of this world, how will people remember me? What will people associate my name with? Will the repercussions of my life go on and on? Or will that memory fade away, staying only with those I was closest to. All of that does not even compare to the most important question though. When people look at me.. do they see me? Or do they see God? When I die, will people say, "Carissa, she lived her life for God," or will I just be, "Carissa."

Who will you be? Looking at your life, RIGHT NOW.. what would someone say about you? Would everyone say the same thing?

New Beginnings

Sometimes we focus too much on what has ended,

and not enough on what is to come.

We are about six hours away from a new year.

Tonight, is the moment where we say goodbye to what has passed,

and start over.

Some people hold on so tightly to the past.

They forget to find joy in new opportunities.

When a door closes in our lives we stand still for so long,

looking through the glass window.

We feel safe on the front porch of what has already happened.

We forget to move forward.

We forget to pick up our memories and move on.

Frozen in a fragment of time that slips away and leaves us empty.

Emptier then an overturned hour glass.

But my friend, there is a splinter of light ahead

A glimmer bouncing off of icicles and shards of glass.

The end is just another beginning.

An Explosion of All Things Good

Today I'm gonna try a little harder
Gonna make every minute last longer
Gonna learn to forgive and forget
'Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it

Today I'm gonna love my enemies
Reach out to somebody who needs me
Make a change, make the world a better place
'Cause tomorrow could be one day too late

This is the chorus to one of the songs on my new Skillet CD that I got for Christmas. I think it is now officially my favorite song, and it is really tugging at my heart. I do not want to be that girl.. that girl who walks blindly through life without a thought or glance at what is truly important.

This blog is basically the definition of a ramble. I have so much on my mind.. so many GOOD and wonderful things. I feel like I could not even begin to describe to you what God is doing in my life. His love is absolutely amazing.. and the blessings He is pouring on me leave me sitting here bubbly and in awe. I am learning daily how BIG my God is.. and if you have had any sort of conversation with me in the past few days I have probably brought the topic up. It feels impossible NOT to talk about the things He is doing in my life right now.

I have gone through so much in my life, some of you know and some of you do not, and lately I have been reflecting on those low moments.. trying to gain a lesson out of it. Sometimes we need to take the time to look back over our lives and allow ourselves to look past the hurt and pain someone might have placed on us, and instead see the way God carried us through. The way He brought someone else in our lives to help us out. The way a death or a sickness in our family could possibly have snapped us back to reality. The way He moved. It is SO important to periodically reflect on those times, and it could be beneficial to share your past with others. Whether you like it or not, the past is part of you and your mistakes are part of your testimony.

Okay enough about the past, it is the present that is so exciting right now. Scroll back up and read the lyrics to that song again. ---------- ..did you do it? I hope so haha.. okay. Today is a wonderful day. I think far too often that we let it slip by. A lot of times we focus only on the past.. even if we are looking at it for good, like lessons we have learned. But what is God doing in your life today? What are you learning right now? And how can we live that out?

I am learning so much right now, and it is amazing that I do not have to stumble and fall to learn it. I am learning who I am, and who God is, simply through the people He has placed in my life. I am learning that God has a purpose and a plan in EVERYTHING He does. Sometimes I cannot see it, sometimes I do not want to see it, but He does.

I hope that you read all of that and did not just skim through. Take time today to get up, get out, and reconnect with the people you know around you. Not through Facebook, not over AIM, but sit down one on one or in a group, and talk about how God is working in your lives. If you feel like He is not working in your life, or everything is falling apart, maybe you are not allowing Him to work in your life. It could be a long process, it could be a painful process. But it is such an amazing process. We serve an awesome God who does awesome things. Use today to learn and move on, because we are not promised a tomorrow.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." --James 4:14

The Vase

~~ Aunt Dorothy was a strong woman. She was 87 years old, and very respected in her town. No body knew her relatives because when her kids reached their 30s and 40s, they moved away, forgetting all about her. Aunt Dorothy was the kind of lady that would go out to the small field in the town and watch the neighborhood boys get together a game of baseball. She would help a new mother take care of her baby while the husband is at work. She loved people, and making people happy. Maybe it is because her family left her, so she tried to support other families.

~~ So here we find Aunt Dorothy, sitting in her house, the one she has lived in for the last 50 years, creating. Building, molding, creating. You see, Aunt Dorothy was a ceramics artist, and her favorite hobby was putting a lump of clay on her potter's wheel, and sitting there for hours on end until she had a round, hollow vase to show for her work. When visiting her house, you would find vases everywhere. Every color, texture, size, style, and stage of creation. She has shelves and bookcases and tables full of vases. If you walked around the town you would find vases. She loved to give some as housewarming gifts, wedding shower gifts, welcome home gifts, and just as gifts in general to show people she cared about them and was thinking about them.

~~ Every time she gave someone a vase, she would say these words to them, "It does not matter where you put the vase, it matters what you put in it. Once you fill it with something, you will find the perfect place to set it." When Aunt Dorothy visited around town, she was always thrilled to see when people had her vase set out on their counter. One day when she visited my house, she commented on the green ceramic vase she had given me when I moved in. I had it filled with daffodils, and it was set upon the top of my counter for all to see. She told me what she has told me half a thousand times, "It does not matter where you put the vase, it matters what you put in it. Once you fill it with something, you will find the perfect place to set it." Well after she departed, I left for class.

~~ After a stressful day at school, I came home and threw my stuff on the floor by the fridge, grabbed a late lunch and went upstairs. Day after day I followed my usual routine. I began to neglect the daffodils that I had placed in my vase, and they wilted and died. Aunt Dorothy visited again as she did every Friday, and when she walked through my kitchen to set some food she made for me on the table, I saw her glance at the unkept flowers in my vase. I noticed the disappointment in her eyes, but brushed it aside after scolding myself for forgetting to refill my vase before she came. "I'll do better next Friday," I thought to myself.

~~ Another week of classes came and went, the counter top I kept my green ceramic vase on was beginning to clutter with papers, a project, some stacked up dishes, and a half empty pizza box. When Aunt Dorothy walked in she looked around and commented. "It must be exam week," was all she said, and then we went in the other room to discuss nature and politics. I shuffled around another excuse in my mind as to why I let the counter clutter around my wilted flowers in my green ceramic vase, and made a mental note to do better next time.

~~ A week later, it was Friday again.. early morning before Aunt Dorothy came in. As I was stacking another dish on my ever-growing pile, I knocked the vase with the over-due flowers and stale water into the sink. When I set it back on the counter I noticed that the top edge had chipped. At that moment, the door bell rang, so I hid the vase and went to let in Aunt Dorothy. Instead of taking her to the kitchen and sitting with her at the table, I coaxed her outside where I brought her some tea. We sat on the porch till the sun was shining overhead. Being the grandmotherly figure she was, she offered to make us both lunch. I protested in vain. Soon Aunt Dorothy came back out to the porch with a tray of sandwiches in one hand, and the chipped vase in the other. I cringed.

~~ It felt like forever until she finally parted her lips to speak, and then she pressed them together again. Eventually she asked why I neglected to fill my vase every day with fresh flowers. I broke down and confessed that I never could find time to fill it daily. Instead I would rush around on a Friday morning to fill it up before she visited. I explained how I knocked the vase into the sink earlier that morning as a result of my cluttered lifestyle. She looked genuinely disappointed in me, but only words of love and encouragement left her mouth. I felt that I did not deserve such a beautiful vase after how I had neglected it, but she took this time to explain something important to me.

~~ She told me how I have a purpose in life, and that purpose is to glorify God in everything I do. She said just as I need to fill my vase with flowers every day, it is important to fill my life with God's word. It is important to daily read my bible to know what His plan is for me, and to be able to give him complete control. Then I mentioned how the vase is chipped, it is no longer worth displaying. She walked over to my garden and pulled up some plush red tulips, placing them in my vase. When doing so, the chip on the top edge was unnoticeable because of the way she arranged the flowers. I smiled. Once again she said, "It does not matter where you put the vase, it matters what you put in it. Once you fill it with something, you will find the perfect place to set it." I understood at that moment the true meaning of those words. We as Christians never have to worry about the past, the present, or the future. If we put our full trust in God, and daily repent and fill our hearts with His word, He will direct our paths. He will place us exactly where He wants us to be, and we will be able to serve Him to the fullest with what He has given us.

~~ Suddenly that little vase did not seem like such a chore to take care of. I went into my kitchen, cleared the dishes off of the table and set it back where it belongs.

A Collaboration of Things That Make Me Happy

This is a list of some of the things that make me smile, laugh, or just feel happy..

Spending time with my family, hanging out with my friends, meeting new people, completing an academic challenge, completing a challenge in general, running, tea, new shoes, working with young people, sunshine, cuddling with kittens, singing off key, warm showers, reading my bible, watching a child's eyes light up when they accomplish or discover something, necklaces, blue eyes, seeing someone smile, Reese's cups, good hair days, creating something unique, being at church, taking pictures, fruit snacks, people getting engaged, editing videos, drawing, hugs, chewing gum, anything completely random or off the wall, Chinese food, listening to someone I care about laugh, listening to anyone laugh, babies, water, being warm, pay day, freshly painted nails, bible studies, washing my face, watching movies, snow, being different, candy, getting a good grade on a test, road trips, playing soccer, getting letters, surprises, being the only one in the house that is awake, Starbucks, successfully walking up a flight of stairs without falling, hiccups, encouraging bible verses, Sharpies, hugging clothes after they get out of the dryer, BCM, finding money in my pocket that I forgot about, reading, silly string fights, new music, the Christmas season, looking at the stars, good memories, bright colors, internet access, flying in an airplane, serving people, serving God, talking online, art, when people visit me at work, picnics in the park, comfortable jeans, technology, writing, macaroni and cheese, going out to eat, new clothes, sleeping, outrageously hilarious dreams, smiling.

Basically, I could go on and on and on and on and on.. but I am choosing not to because I am sure you have better things to do then read about some things that make me happy. Ultimately though, my joy comes from the Lord. He has truly blessed me. :]

Reflecting Upon Thanksgiving :]

Food. Family. Thanksgiving. The time of year where it is patriotic to eat until you feel like you might bust.. and then wake up super early the next day to spend a ton of money on some great sales.

Thanksgiving morning started off with a trip to Urgent Care.. to discover Sarina had strep throat. She is such a trooper though, and hasn't complained at all. Just coughs a good bit. Then my mom came back home and finished cooking our amazing meal. I love that the house smelled like food all day long.. preparing us for an evening of feasting.

After an AMAZING dinner cooked by my mom and grandmom [my grandparents flew down from PA to spend Thanksgiving with us] we had dessert. Sarina had given us all note cards to write what we were thankful for. So after dessert we went around the table and took a moment to share what we are thankful for. It was so neat to hear all the different things my family was thankful for, and make a physical list of my own as well. I am glad Sarina knows the real meaning of Thanksgiving. It is not just about eating so much food that you end up looking pregnant [like I did.. ugh].

Then.. Black Friday. I woke up at 3am.. and Tim's friend Chad picked us both up. We started off with breakfast at IHOP.. and then headed over to the mall. The deals this year were not as great.. but it was still a lot of fun to walk around at 5am looking at all the excited people there. My favorite part though was when I went to Walmart later in the morning.. around 8:30. The people in there were CRAZY! One woman walked by with a cart overflowing with random board games and kid's toys. Yes.. everything is on sale. But the more you purchase.. you end up spending just about the same anyways. AND.. your kids are not going to play with all those games. Trust me. Yet.. people were stuffing things into their carts so they can get their $300 worth of "deals".

So that was my Thanksgiving. My favorite part was spending time with my family.. passing plates of food across the table.. laughing.. and just being together. Now it's time to turn on the Christmas music.. and focus on the rest of this holiday season.. CHRISTMAS! We already put up our tree.. and I already have most of my gifts bought. This is my favorite time of year. :]

Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity

Silent cries

Piercing through the night

Breathless sighs

Losing a one-sided fight

Sightless eyes

Never seeing the light

Harmful lies

Making it all seem right

No one can hear me

My life blown out like a candle

No one can see me--I am not wanted

Sacrificing my life

For the comfort of those around me

I was just a mass of tissue

Or was I?

What if you knew I was a baby?

A living human being like you

Would you have taken my life?

My chances?

Do you realize what you did?

Now no one will ever know my name

I will never see the sun

I will never feel the rain

I will never be loved

Just another life added to the statistics

One voice lost among 50 million

On Tuesday, October 20, 2009 there is an event that is taking place across this nation as a project of StandTrue among many pro-life people in their schools, workplaces, and areas of influence. It is called Pro-Life Day of Silent Solidarity, and the challenge is to stay silent for the whole day, in honor of and in prayer for the more then 50 MILLION babies who have been aborted since January 22, 1973, JUST in America. 50 MILLION innocent lives that are cut off from generations that have passed and generations that are to come.

Numerous times this evening while researching the statistics of abortion I had chills run along my spine. According to www.silentday.org ..in America, there are about 4,000 abortions that occur every day. I did some math, and the numbers were so startling that I had to do the equations again. Every MINUTE, approximately 3 babies are aborted in this nation alone. So in one hour and fifteen minute class period I sit through at Tech, approximately 225 hearts are stopped before that being even has a chance to exit the comfort of the mother's womb. This is obviously something I have a great passion for. Those babies will never inhale a single breath. Those babies will never smile at the recognition of their mother's voice. Those babies will never have a chance at life outside the womb.

In biology we have been studying meiosis. Meiosis is the process that divides cells to form an egg cell and a sperm cell. The detail of the code to behavior and character traits in every strand of DNA is mind-boggling. The whole thought of genetic variation, and the MILLIONS of combinations that can possibly be made at the exact moment of conception is humbling. After the egg cell is fertilized, it is a single-celled entity called a zygote. That zygote undergoes COUNTLESS mitotic divisions over a period of about nine months.

A FEW LIFE DEVELOPMENT FACTS 

-20 days: Foundations of brain, spinal cord and nervous system are laid. 

-24 days: Heart begins to beat. 

-30 days: Child has grown 10,000 times to 6-7 mm (1/4") long. Brain has human proportions. Blood flows in veins (but stays separate from mother's blood). 

-35 days: Pituitary gland in brain is forming. Mouth, ears and nose are taking shape. 

-42 days: Skeleton is formed. Brain coordinates movement of muscles and organs. Reflex responses have begun. Penis is forming in boys. (Mother misses second period.) 

-43 days: Brain waves can be recorded. 

-8 1/2 weeks: Fingerprints are being engraved. Eyelids and palms of hands are sensitive to touch. 

-9 weeks: Child will bend fingers around an object placed in the palm. Thumb sucking occurs. Fingernails are now forming. 

-10 weeks: Body is sensitive to touch. Child squints, swallows, puckers up brow and frowns. 

-11 weeks: Baby urinates, makes complex facial expressions - even smiles. 

-12 weeks: Vigorous activity shows distinct individuality. Child can kick, turn feet, curl and fan toes, make a fist, move thumbs, bend wrists, turn head, open mouth and press lips tightly together. Breathing is practiced. 

-13 weeks: Face is prettier, facial expressions resembling parents'. Movements are graceful, reflexes vigorous. Vocal chords are formed (but without air baby cannot cry). Sex organs are apparent. 

-4 months: Child can grasp with hands, swim and turn somersaults. 

-5 months: Sleeping habits appear, but a slammed door will provoke activity. Child responds to sounds in frequencies too high or low for adults to hear. 

-6 months: Fine hair grows on eye brows & head. Eye-lash fringe appears. Weight is about 640g (22 oz.), height 23 cm (9"). Babies born at this age have survived.

-7 months: Eye teeth are present. Eyelids open and close, eyes look around. Hands grip strongly. Mother's voice is heard and recognized.

I know this blog is very long, but this is what is on my heart. We must be informed on controversial topics. How many people are aware of the holocaust of our own future that is taking place? So now I get to the point where I tell you about Tuesday. I personally have made the decision to not communicate in any form. So I will not be on Facebook, AIM, and my phone will be turned off (though I will have it with me incase of an emergency). I have also chosen to place a symbolic piece of red duct tape across my mouth with the word "LIFE" written on it. I am preparing informational note cards for people who ask why I am not speaking. I will spend the day praying, and fasting (which I have never done, so I am excited and humbled by this idea all at the same time). My prayer focus will be not only on the babies being aborted, but also on the mothers, fathers, clinical workers, abortion doctors, and peers who all have a contribution in the ultimate decision made for each life that is aborted.

If you feel lead to join me in silence, praying for this under-broadcasted topic of controversy, feel free and let me know I'm not doing this alone. If you would like some of my red duct tape, let me know as well and I'll try to meet up with you at some point before Tuesday to give you a piece. If you chose not to participate, at least take this time to pray for the lives that are being affected by abortion. Or, if you are unsure of what you believe concerning this topic, take the time to research and think about pro-life. Also, feel free to ask me any questions, I will do my best to answer as well as I can based on facts and my own beliefs. I know that God can do amazing things through the power of prayer. I am excited for how He will move across this nation.